Letter 247

My very dear son,

A ship from France came to our Port towards the end of June and since then no one has appeared. They brought news of you which has given me reason to praise God for His Goodness to you and to me. It’s true that my greatest joy in life is to reflect on it and I see that your reflections on your experience touches you deeply and is useful to you. Aren’t you very glad my dear son that I abandoned you to His guidance in leaving you for His love. Have you not found a good, past expression? Know once again that actually separating myself from you was a living death and the Spirit of God, which was inexorable to mother-love, gave me no peace until I had done the deed. We had to pass through that, and obey Him, without reasoning, in doing His Will which is absolute. Nature, which doesn’t give in easily when its interests are at stake and especially when it’s a mother’s obligation to her son, could not decide. It seemed to me that leaving you so young, you would not be brought up in the fear of God, you might fall under some evil influence or get into some line of conduct which could endanger your salvation and so I would be deprived of a son whom I wanted to rear only for the service of God. My plan was to remain with him in the world until he was old enough to enter a Religious order..

This Divine Spirit, who saw my struggles, had no pity on my feelings saying in the depths of my heart: “Quick, quick, it is time, delay no longer. The world isn’t good for you any more”. Then He opened the door to the Religious life. His voice kept pressing me by a holy importunity and gave me no rest day or night. He did my business, He settled it all with the Convent so beautifully that all opened their arms to welcome me as if I were the first Lady in the land, or brought great wealth. Dom Raymond did all that was necessary with my sister and he himself led me to where God wanted me. You came with me, and in leaving you it seemed like tearing the soul from the body the pain was so extreme and note that from the age of fourteen I had a very strong vocation to the Religious Life. It wasn’t followed because things did not correspond to my desire but from the age of nineteen or twenty my mind was made up and only my body remained in the world to bring you up until God’s hour would come for you and for me.

After I had entered and when I saw you come crying to the parlour or the Choir grille, and the time you tried to come through the guichet, and when you saw the main Convent door open for the workmen, and you came into our courtyard and being told you shouldn’t do that, you backed out. Some of the novices cried and said I was cruel not to cry and that I didn’t even look at you. But alas, these good sisters didn’t see the anguish in my heart for you nor the fidelity with which I wanted to do the Holy Will of God.

The struggle began again. You came crying to the grille asking to have your mother back or let you enter and be a Religious too. But the greatest blow of all came when a troop of little boys of your age came with you to our refectory windows saying with strange cries: “give him back his mother!” and your voice more distinct than the others crying: “Give me back my mother”, that you wanted her. The Community listening to all that were deeply touched with sorrow and compassion, though not one showed a sign of annoyance. I believed they would not put up with it and that I would be sent out to take care of you. Coming out from grace and going upstairs to the Noviciate the Spirit of God said in my heart: “Do not grieve, I will take care of him”. These Divine promises calmed my whole being and made me experience that the Words of Our Lord are Spirit and Life and that He is faithful to His promises. So if the whole world said something contrary to this interior word I would not have believed them. I was no longer troubled about this. My mind and heart enjoyed sweet peace in my certainty that God’s promises would be accomplished in you and that I saw all things done for your good and to forward the education I had desired for you. Soon after you were sent to Rennes to study and later to Orleans, Divine goodness having put me in contact with the Jesuit Fathers who took care of you. You know God’s help in this matter. So there we are, my dear son, you and I experiencing the Infinite Mercy of such a good Father; leave it to Him. We will see many more things if we are faithful to Him. Continue to pray for me.

From Quebec. 30 July 1669.
p. 315-316.