Letter 243

She speaks of her breathing prayer. Of her fear of falling from grace however high she is in the ways of God. The Blessed Virgin’s protection of her Monastery and of herself.
I have no longer words when I am at the feet of His Divine Majesty. My prayers are only: “My God, my God. Blessed be my God”. My days and nights are passed like this. I hope His goodness will let me die as He has let me live with these words on my lips. I said, with these words, better, with these breaths, that do not allow me to make any act and I don’t know what to say when there is question of speaking of things so bare and simple as those which consume my soul in it’s sovereign and unique good.

Seeing myself subject to so many infirmities I thought, in the course of nature, that these would wear me out and would end only in death. Love, which is stronger than death, has put an end to them and by the mercy of God here I am, almost as well as I was before the long illness not knowing how long the remission will last. It doesn’t matter to me, provided the Holy Will of God is done, but I don’t think my end is far away having reached the seventieth year of my age. My moments and my days are in the hands of Him who gave me life, and it’s all the same to me provided they are spent according to His good pleasure and His adorable designs for me.

God has never led me by a spirit of fear but by that of love and confidence. However, when I think I am a sinner, and by the misfortune of that condition I could fall into such a state that I would be deprived of God’s friendship, I am humiliated beyond what can be imagined and am seized with a fear that this misfortune is happening. If such fear were to last I wouldn’t be able to live or subsist, because it would mean separation from a God of love and goodness, from whom I have received more grace and mercy than there are grains of sand on the sea shore. But a single look of confidence banishes the fear and, turning away from such a disastrous object, I abandon myself into the arms of my heavenly Spouse and there take my rest.

I feel also powerfully strengthened by the protection of the most Holy Virgin who, is our heavenly Superior by the special choice and solemn vow of our community several years ago. This Divine Mother helps us tangibly. She gives us continual help in our needs and protects us as the apple of Her eye. She looks after all our business. She restored us after our fire and in an infinity of other occasions whose weight would naturally have overwhelmed us. As we couldn’t get sisters from France she has given us six novices who are excellent and able to help us in our duties which grow heavier day by day. What can I fear under the wing of so loving and so powerful a protectress. Thank the Divine goodness and this Holy Mother for their help to this little community and to me in particular, who am the weakest and most imperfect of all.

From Quebec. 16 Oct. 1668.
p. 311-312.